Where Have We Been?

Hey Friends,
Wow it has been months since our last blog post! Some of you may be wondering where we have been, why we haven’t written a recent blog post, or what is to come from this blog in the future. I have been struggling with deciding what to do next. So here is the story.

My last (and first) blog post was posted on April 23, 2017. The following week I was getting everything together for my next post. I had chosen to write this post about long cycles. You see I have always had long cycles, and it’s very typical for me to only have a period once every other month. My cycles would normally be about 45 days long. So I wanted to write a post about that and my experience with it and my struggle with it. As I was about to write the post, I anticipated that someone would say something along the lines of “maybe your cycle is long because you’re pregnant”. So I figured I would run to target and take a test and put that photo in the blog to prove that I was not in fact pregant. I myself had fallen into this thought many times.

So on April 27, 2017 I run to target and take a test in the bathroom really quick. It immediately came back postive. I thought surely this is a false positive. So I took the other one in the box. Again immediately postive. I then started to freak out a bit. I called my best friend who told me to go get a different brand and try that. So I did. Again – positive. At this point I don’t know what to think. You see less then a week ago I had went to my doctor who tested my progesterone and it was low. I was told that this cycle was a no-go. So when I took these test I was expecting a negative. I wasn’t even upset that I knew it would be negative, because we had a plan to start clomid. I had come to terms with that plan and was ok with it.

I called the doctor who then said to come in right away. I got my blood drawn and then started the longest wait of my life. The next day she called to confirm that I was pregnant, but that my progesterone was still low. So I immediately started taking progesterone suppositories nightly and would continue to do so until after the first trimester. More on this at another time.

After all the excitement and getting the best news of my life, I start to struggle with yet another thing. Why can’t we just be happy?!! This time I was struggling with a feeling of guilt – a feeling that I had really never experience before in this magnitude. I felt guilt that I had gotten pregnant and others in my infertility group hadn’t – others that had struggled way longer than I had. Then I started feeling guilty like somehow since I did get pregnant after a year and a half that maybe I never had infertility at all. All this guilt was eating me up inside.

Now looking back I understand that yes I 100% dealt with infertility. I still have a blocked tube for crying out loud and issues with my progesterone! The year and a half that we went through doesn’t just go away because we finally got pregnant. It’s ok that I got pregnant after “only a year and a half”. Everyone is on their own journey. This just so happens to be mine.

Now comes a tough decision on what to do with this blog. Do I just let it fade away now that we are pregnant? Do I switch gears and write blog posts about my pregnancy? Do I start a whole new blog where I can talk about my pregnancy instead of using this one? I don’t honestly know what I will do next. I want to make sure that I am respectful to the infertility community while also still being able to share my story. What are your thoughts? If you are someone dealing with infertility, or even if you’re not, what is your opinion on what I should do next?

Baby Dust To All,
Cynthia

One thought on “Where Have We Been?

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